In my view shyness is not a choice to be embraced. It is a function of two things: fear of embarrassment, and also fear of causing discomfort (such as embarrassment) to others. I think it is quite possible to overcome one's own fear of embarrassment without compromising anything which might be said to be a fundamental part of what makes one oneself (although to be frank I think such a compromise is desirable in the long run and notions of owing anything to a particular disposition per se are sentimental, illogical and worthless - shyness causes quite a lot of dissatisfaction, no matter how at ease people force themselves to believe they are with being shy to avoid having to face up to tackling it, and I therefore I urge shy people to tackle it if they can). Anyway, overcoming one's own fear of embarrassment puts one in a better position to avoid making other people feel awkward (for example, by appearing aloof, or making people feel self-conscious), but allows one to maintain the sensitivity to the feelings of others which gives rise to this component of shyness, I think. That sensitivity, rather than fear of being embarrassed oneself, is the worthwhile part of a shy person, I think. The excessive fear for one's own dignity is, in my view, rather crippling, especially when combined with a wish to avoid causing discomfort or imposition or embarrassment to others (particularly if other people are embarrassed by the presence of someone who feels awkward socially).
posted by james at 2010-04-06 19:40:38 
